


WASURENAI

by mugongeki



Series: Fire within me, Ice within you [4]
Category: Saint Seiya, 聖闘士星矢: 冥王神話 | Saint Seiya: The Lost Canvas
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:40:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24490696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugongeki/pseuds/mugongeki
Summary: "There is an ancient story that one time, the God of the Underworld suffered from amnesia due to unknown reasons."the boy blinked, surprised."Amnesia? But Gods are not humans! They cannot possibly stop remembering! Mom, you're lying."he laughed as the woman reached out to gently pat his head."Gods are but humans with more spectacular powers and experiences."
Relationships: Bennu Kagaho/Hades
Series: Fire within me, Ice within you [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1779211
Comments: 74
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hellooo are you guys tired of me yet because here I come with another fanfic of mine.
> 
> This time it's an AU, centered around Hades obv. I promised myself I will post it when it's finished but I. Can't. Wait.
> 
> I plan to post chapters every week/twice a week.

_He breathed in, feeling his lungs almost exploding with pain of being used after so long of staying completely asleep. But he didn’t know where it was coming from or why, for that matter, everything hurt so much. He coughed up and hands caught him, strong and steady, lifting him gently. He felt himself being nestled against someone’s side, his head too heavy to keep it upright yet._

_“Lord Hades?” soft voice called, but there was no reaction; the one that was called still too dazed to reply, or even understand what was going on._

_He only knew his head was throbbing, bitter taste in his mouth. Still, the presence by his side was warm and slowly he drifted into slumber once more._

***

“What the fuck is going on?” Kagaho hissed in the moment he felt body in his arms going completely limp; again. He looked almost madly at twin gods. If it wasn’t for Hades…

Thanatos stood with his arms crossed, leaning against the nearest wall, while Hypnos was crouching down next to the bed. His expression was serious and just a little bit troubled.

Usually when the seal broke, Hades was the first one to wake up, his cosmos slowly reviving specters and fixing what should have been fixed in the Underworld. His vessel was never ready yet, at that time, but it didn’t stop his soul from taking its image.

But once the kingdom has awoken without its king. 

Hypnos was utterly shocked when he could feel flickering aura of Hades’ energy, but the God itself was not present. He has been found dead-asleep in his tomb, not reacting to any motion, words, or even at Hypnos trying to lift this weird spell. But even the God of Sleep couldn’t lift something he didn’t cast, in the first place. 

Other than being comatose, Hades seemed alright. It was enough, however, for Kagaho to see red out of concern and anger. The pillars he crashed were falling like matches.

It has been a week since Hades has been taken from the cold and hard crypt to the bed in his palace and Kagaho has been continuously dotting on him. He massaged his muscles, making sure they were not stiff or sore from disuse. He brushed his hair and changed his position couple of times throughout the day, always minding how Hades liked to rest, before all that happened. He was wiping his dry mouth with a satin, wet cloth. 

But Hades didn’t react. And now, when they hoped he would wake up, the God just fall asleep again. 

“Kagaho, mind your words. You’re talking to a God.” Hypnos raised his eyebrow disapprovingly, but it wasn’t like it made any impact on him. His God was lying lifeless in his arms, head lolling against his shoulder.  
“What the _fuck_ is going on?” Kagaho repeated instead and Thanatos approached them, this time. 

He grabbed Hades’ by the chin, but overly gently (the gentleness wasn’t like him, really) and stared at him. He was doing this so often it started creeping Kagaho out. He doubted he could read anything from that face, anyway. It was like made out of marble; not even a single twitch went through it. 

Hades’ skin was usually white as milk, flawless, but now it seemed sickeningly grey. That was making Kagaho nauseated. Just the mere thought that his lord could have been hurt only because he wasn’t revived yet made him go insane. Unluckily, though, he had no idea where this anger should be placed. 

Hypnos and Thanatos tried to reassure him no one has ever entered the Underworld when all their inhabitants were sealed, but then again Hades was never in this state, either! 

The moment he was revived, Kagaho was both relieved and shocked. He thought that after he had betrayed Hades’ trust during the last Holy War and decided to help Alone, the God would never decide to depend on him again.

He hoped the revival would be perfect opportunity to claim all his sins on his knees, in front of real Hades and not some pathetic vessel… But he wasn’t given even that. He wanted to prove his loyalty, assure Hades such a thing would never happen again… And now no one knew what the hell was wrong. Pandora has been either weeping or lying to Specters that Hades was still recovering from the seal and everything just seemed like a complete chaos.

Even twin gods couldn’t do anything about it.

In fact, twin gods seemed rather terrified. Calmer Hypnos immediately began to look for clues, he kept on inspecting Hades’ body, read tons of books. Thanatos, on the other hand, went almost as feral as Kagaho. All nymphs disappeared from Elysion when he started yelling curses, wanting to immediately find whoever was responsible for that. Kagaho sympathized with him on that matter, but Hypnos quickly talked them down, _”And who else will protect Lord Hades if both of you are gone?”_.

“The seal is different.” Thanatos said, placing Hades’ cheek back against Kagaho’s shoulder. Keeping his head from dropping down again, Kagaho cupped his chin gently, fighting the urge to yell so long until his throat won’t be bleeding. They have already established that! But it didn’t give them any answers. 

“No shit Sherlock.” Kagaho muttered under his breath. If not the fact he was holding Hades, Thanatos would probably already smack him a couple of times. He only hissed, though, and took a step back, like afraid of not being able to hold it in himself.

“Shut up you both.” Hypnos shushed quickly, getting up. Kagaho didn’t think he was going to leave, the two of them were barely leaving him alone with Hades anyway. One part of him was grateful for that, the other, not at all.

Kagaho tried to tell himself they were as worried as he was, but it didn’t always work. Sometimes, though, seeing black holes under Hypnos’ eyes, on his usually perfectly godly face, made him feel bad for them. After all, they were Hades’ closest assistants. If Kagaho failed to protect him, so did they. It must have weighted on them heavily. Twin gods were indifferent, caring for no one… Except themselves and Hades, probably. Maybe they didn’t know him as good as Kagaho (unless?), but they did know him the longest. Hades trusted them enough to confide them his body.

“The progress is little, but it’s there. Perhaps Lord Hades will awake in a couple of days.”

then, he moved on the other side of bed and slowly began rearranging the pillows on it. There was a lot of them and when Pandora offered to take some away, Kagaho almost cut her mid-sentence. He _knew_ and remembered Hades loved being comfortable and soft; when he was resting without Kagaho he had pillows all over himself. When he was resting with him, it was usually on top of the other and the specter didn’t, just didn’t let himself be convinced that it was Alone, not Hades.

Obviously, they were mixing up from time to time; Alone perfected imitating Hades to the extent of being almost his copy. But despite these moments Kagaho knew to which one of them he was talking. Alone wasn’t used to luxuries, Hades was. They were in one body, but so different. And Kagaho… Cherished them both.

Long and mournful howl echoed from the deeper part of the palace and Kagaho was pretty sure Thanatos rolled his eyes. He had seen this expression so much past couple of days he was almost growing used to it.

“Lord Hades spoiled this dog so much and now no one can tame him.” he heard how Thanatos murmured, almost disgusted, as he slowly lowered Hades back on the bed, tucking him in with heavy blankets. 

Cerberus was Hades favorite. Each time the seal broke he was waiting for his master at the gates of the Underworld, wagging his tail excitedly. The moment Hades appeared he was all over him, barking and jumping, like he wasn’t three headed beast. To Hades, in fact, he wasn’t. Cerberus was so used to acting like a puppy around him, yet at the same time he had never let Hades to be harmed in any way. He could have been in the deepest parts of Hell, yet still came running and knocking everything on his way when he felt Hades was distressed. Hades was often seen by Pandora settled by Cerberus’ side, sometimes almost completely hidden against his fluffy tails; it seemed like he found it relaxing. 

Now Cerberus was nothing but pain in the ass. He did feel there was something wrong; Underworld was lively, but Hades did not come to greet him yet. He was often howling painfully, baring teeth at everyone who approached him and who wasn’t Hades.

Even beast like him was heartbroken.

“Stop complaining and go bring him, Thanatos. Army will go insane if he keeps acting like this.” if the situation was different, Kagaho would have laughed his ass off at Thanatos. If the situation was different, the God of Death would probably never agree on that, bickering with his brother until the end of the world. Now, though, Thanatos only sent him threatening gaze and left the chamber.

Somehow, Kagaho ended up with twin gods and Cerberus all in the same room. While twin gods kept their respectful distance from Hades unless it was really necessary, Cerberus rested his all three heads at the feet of the bed, blinking at his master. His gaze was almost sad and Kagaho was damn glad, for once, that Hades bed was so big, otherwise the beast would nothing but squeeze their God into a pulp.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where… Are we?”
> 
> Silence. For a couple of long seconds there was just silence, and Kagaho could feel blood rushing to his head. He was glad Pandora took Cerberus out of the chamber that morning, because he didn’t even want to imagine what would the dog do. And if Hades was not joking… Wait, there was no way in the world Hades would be joking. He was everything but a joker; always graceful, dignified, proud. 
> 
> He heard slam of the door and when he looked around it was clear Thanatos left the room, probably unable to stand this tension anymore. Kagaho looked at Hypnos, searching for some help, but the other God seemed as lost as he was.
> 
> The most lost, however, was Hades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to say it the last time, the title WASURENAI means "do not forget" in Japanese.
> 
> Anyways the knives just started and we will deal with angry boy Kagaho for a while.
> 
> The chapters are pretty short but there will be about 15 of them so I hope it makes up for it.

The three of them almost run towards the bed when, two days later, Hades sighed softly. They stared at him in a way no one should stare at the God, especially God of the Underworld, but all rules suddenly stopped mattering at all. 

Hades’ eyelashes fluttered. 

The minutes it took him to open his eyes fully seemed like an eternity. They watched him anxiously, worried, but also with hope. Surely, no matter what caused this weird coma shouldn’t be able to defeat Lord Hades, right? Nonetheless how many times they tried to convince themselves about that, a seed of doubt has already been planted within them. They did not, obviously, speak about this out loud, but they didn’t need to. Sharing looks in that moment was enough for them to find mutual understanding on this topic.

“Lord Hades!” Thanatos was the first one that couldn’t stay quiet anymore. He exclaimed almost right after Hades finally stared back at them; his gaze unfocused and still dazed, usually clear golden eyes now looking more brownish. Sickly, Kagaho noticed.

Hypnos quickly smacked the back of Thanatos head and the God fell quiet, restraining from throwing himself at the feet of the bed and thank all the powers in the world that Hades finally _woke up_.

But there was something strange about Hades and Kagaho noticed this immediately. He had spent with him too long to not recognize small signals. When Hades blinked, his pupils widened. Then he blinked again and when ragged breath left his lips Kagaho was assured their troubles started only now. He quickly shoved both Gods aside, pretty convinced their presence was breaking at least ten rules of personal space. Kagaho himself moved from the edge of the bed, too and instead, kneeled next to it. 

“Lord Hades?” Kagaho tried this time, voice soft and gentle. Hades’ gaze didn’t focus on him, however, running from their faces, then to the walls, the room, the…

He tried to push himself up, but his body was still too weak, the attempt failed immediately. 

“Where… Are we?”

Silence. For a couple of long seconds there was just silence, and Kagaho could feel blood rushing to his head. He was glad Pandora took Cerberus out of the chamber that morning, because he didn’t even want to imagine what would the dog do. And if Hades was not joking… Wait, there was no way in the world Hades would be joking. He was everything but a joker; always graceful, dignified, proud. 

He heard slam of the door and when he looked around it was clear Thanatos left the room, probably unable to stand this tension anymore. Kagaho looked at Hypnos, searching for some help, but the other God seemed as lost as he was.

The most lost, however, was Hades.

His image right now was so much different from what all they knew and remembered. He appeared as if he was fighting with a fatal illness, black shadows under his eyes, pupils wide but unseeing. 

Kagaho had seen and experienced many scary things. This, however, must have been the worst of them all.

Finally, Hypnos gained courage and approached the bed, sitting on the edge of it. He stayed as far away from Hades as possible, but still within his eyes reach.

“Lord Hades.” his voice seemed oddly soft when he said that, something Kagaho thought he would never hear from a God like him. Finally, Hades managed to focus gaze on him and another ragged breath left.

“That’s your home.” he added and Kagaho thought how smooth he was. Probably both him and Thanatos would immediately go with ‘hell’, ‘underworld’, or other noun that certainly wouldn’t help Hades in calming down.

“My… Home.” Hades’ voice sounded hollow when he repeated that and Kagaho felt his chest tightening. The specter truly and honestly believed that nothing would be able to make him feel pain anymore. His own attacks were injuring him the most, that was the path he had chosen. He was interested in nothing. He loved nothing, feared nothing, nothing hurt him. Yet, seeing Hades so… Weird, so empty, so _different_ filled his heart with terror.

What kind of torments his God exactly went through after he had been sealed?

Kagaho wanted to reach out. Sit behind Hades’ back and took him on his lap like he did many times in the past, shielding him from any hurt. Shielding him even from the dust or sun rays. But Hades had no idea where he was, and most likely, he had no idea who they were, either. 

He began to wonder whether the God felt exactly as he did now when Kagaho betrayed him. This thought alone made him want to lash himself hundred of times as a punishment.

“Yes. Do you know… Who are we?” small shook of the head was given instead of reply and they exchanged looks. By that time, Hades already closed his eyes back. Basing on the movements of his chest alone it could be said he was anxious, breaths coming in short gasps rather than anything else. Kagaho had no idea about medicine, but he was older brother once. He knew it wasn’t good at all.

“It’s alright.” Hypnos spoke again, before Kagaho could even form any kind of reassuring sentence in his mind. He was almost surprised. It wasn’t like he thought either Hypnos or Thanatos were idiots, but now he definitely praised that stupid love for knowledge Hypnos had. He still remembered all these hours both him and Hades spent reading and browsing through the books, of any kind, Underworld’s library was huge. His chest tightened at that memory again.

“You are probably still tired. You have been unconscious for quite a while, so it’s the best if you rest now.”

Tired?! Hades had just woken up from more than 200 years sleep! Kagaho wanted to yell. He demanded answers! He needed to know answers. He wanted to know whether Hades knew who he was. He wanted to know whether God had any memories at all, because what in the world were they going to do if he didn’t? He almost couldn’t believe Hypnos treated this matter like it was nothing.

But when Hypnos sent him warning gaze Kagaho understood that Hades nodded again, in agreement. He had to gulp everything down and pretend he wasn’t angry at all. Angry, at whom? Hades? That was ridiculous, but he couldn’t help himself. In the end, he was a God. One of the most powerful Gods! Just the possibility of pest such as Athena hurting him so badly… How could Hades allow that to happen? How could _all_ of them allow that to happen?!

“Would you like to be left alone?” Kagaho was seconds away from snapping, but Hypnos, probably able to foresee that, pulled him out of the room by the collar, closing the door.

“What the fuck!” Kagaho’s fist landed against the wall immediately. He almost hit Hypnos and only the last bits of common sense he still had stopped him from doing it. First, he is letting Hades go to sleep like nothing happened. And now he is allowing him to be left all alone?! Weren’t they here to protect him?! Kagaho began to become even more suspicious. What if all that was a plot? It hit him that there was no one to share his concerns with; he did that only with Hades after all.

“Calm yourself down. You will scare him.” Hypnos said arrogantly. Kagaho was nothing but a bother, right now. 

Don’t understand him wrong. Generally both Hypnos and Thanatos were rather glad that there was someone this loyal and dedicated by Hades’ side (at least until he didn’t betray him), but Hades trusted him too much, which was concerning. His lowered guard lead him to being hurt and deceived and if it depended on them, Kagaho would never be able to return to their Lord’s side. But trying to talk Hades down was usually pointless, especially about something he had already made up his mind to.

As much as Hypnos tried to tolerate it, Kagaho was now causing tumult none of them needed.

Not to mention dealing with someone even more problematic than his twin brother was definitely _not_ something he signed up for. He was a God of Sleep, not a brat-sitter!

“Lord Hades seems too confused to be talked to. Maybe he will feel better after he rests properly.” he tried to reason, rubbing the back of his neck. 

They were completely doomed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _What is my name?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hades POV this time

Cacophony of noises. Light too bright for his tired eyes and most of all, faces. Unknown faces of people he didn’t know and didn’t recognize. Dark walls of the room he didn’t recognize, either. Who was he? Where was he? What was going on? 

The only thing he could recall at all was darkness. Something wet touching his hands and cheeks, the noise of bubbling liquids and that smell; rotten and moldy. Scent of death, fear and a muculent, rectangular object (a bone!!!) his hand caught on. He curled up then, pulling knees close to his chest, not attempting to touch anything anymore.

Someone called his name ( _What is my name?_ ), but the voice was too loud and too rough and he shuddered. He wasn’t particularly cold, but goosebumps covered him from head to toe. 

He heard more words, they sounded softer now, almost in a way he liked to be spoken to ( _But who spoke to me like that?_ ).

He wanted to sleep. Close his eyes again and be surrounded with darkness he knew so well, was so familiar with. Everything else seemed foreign; either too loud or too bright. Eyes watched him, gazes piercing and unknown.

***  
His consciousness came back in waves. 

At first he was still surrounded with nothing but blackness and warmth. It was far exceeding his last memories; the ones of damp and dark hole, of clicking bones and humming noises. 

That alarmed him and after opening his eyes Hades almost choked on his breath. He couldn’t, again, recognize where he was.

Then he remembered he had already woken up in here once, the only difference that he was now completely alone. No one called his name anymore ( _What is my name?_ ), no one looked at him. 

He breathed in and out and almost mindlessly slid under the covers more, like it could, in any way, shield him. 

Sudden outburst of stimulus made him dizzy. His body felt too much and there was far too many thoughts crossing his head; blurry, unclear, confusing. He couldn’t really say if he has ever experienced so many sensations at once. Back in time, he recalled, he probably was able to name the thing he was wrapped up with, but the word didn’t want to came back, like stuck somewhere.

Finally, gaining enough courage he reached out. His hand was slim, long and thin fingers stretching, exposing veins on his palm here or there. His nails were neatly cut and he spotted an edge of expensive, dark robes he must have been wearing. 

When something tickled his cheek he tugged on the strand of hair. It was soft in touch, free from any tangles. He run hand through his whole hair he realized it seemed like newly brushed. 

Then, he touched his face, trying to imagine his looks. His mouth was dry, but lips free from being chapped. His skin was so, so delicate. Long lashes, slightly defined cheekbones, small, but a little sharp nose.

_What is my name?_

He thought he was being called by it, before, but the word completely slipped past his mind, like he reacted to it only because of muscle memory. 

Both hands covered his face when he closed his eyes, desperately trying to remember. Recall anything more than the darkness and the odour, but all his efforts were futile. He couldn’t really force it out, even though deep inside he carried awareness of _having_ these memories. He had to have them, didn’t he? 

_”Dark Lord.”_   


He jolted upright, immediately regretting that when his head started throbbing with dull pain, muscles shaking. Hades looked frantically around, but there was no one else in the room. How did he hear that voice, then? 

Licking his lips, he heavily fallen back down on the pillows.

Dark Lord. It sounded familiar, like something he know, something he addressed someone with. But whom? 

Unless… His eyes widened, hands covering his lips like he was in terror. 

Dark Lord and Dark Kingdom. His Kingdom.

Where was he now, then? Why couldn’t he recognize those speaking to him, or the bed he was lying in?

Grabbing his own head, Hades almost desperately clung to that title, afraid that if his eyes fall shut again, he would once more forget. Maybe it was only a dream, but could a son born from two Titans feel _this_ amount of pain during his sleep? He doubted so. Not to mention that in his father’s stomach mortal thing such as sleep or dream did not exist. There was only darkness and humidity and…--

Darkness and humidity! He recalled them first, before even opening his eyes. Primarily, he thought maybe he was in such obscure place, but it turned out those were the first visions he had. The very first visions of his life in general…

He growled when the pain intensified, suddenly the lamp in the corner of the room giving too much light, air too thick, his body covered with cold sweat.

Perhaps he shouldn’t have been pushing himself this hard, grasping on every single thought that crossed his mind to make himself _remember_ , but he couldn’t allow himself to forget, either. 

He was a divine being, born from Kronos and Rhea. He believed there were many other small gods wanting to get rid of him and his kingdom. His kingdom, what was it called again? 

_What is my name?_

Hades tried to reach out, expand his deific powers for more memories, but amnesia not only cut his grasp with reality, it also ravaged knowledge about his own abilities. He wasn’t sure how to use his cosmos, or what skills he even had. 

Like a blank, unwritten paper. 

He was exhausted and was just about to curl up and let himself rest when the door opened suddenly. The motion was slow and careful, but it still made him return to sitting upright. The pain in his temples exploded anew, but he decided to endure that. He was of no threat right now, but maybe the stranger wasn’t aware. After all, his aura was strong enough to scare away some weaklings. Still, Hades did feel vulnerable in that very moment. Exposed like he has never-- Or maybe he has been this exposed before? 

“Step back!” he ordered immediately, mentally cursing himself. Too lost in his thoughts Hades almost let the two of them approach his bed. He didn’t know or recognized them and the puzzled look on their faces couldn’t really tell him whether he should. 

“Lord Hades.” 

_Is this my name?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kagaho thought that because he was prepared for the worst, which was Hades complete memory loss, it wouldn’t impact him this strongly, if at all.
> 
> Yet when Hades asked, or more like hissed, this one question it was as if the marble floor under his knees completely shattered. What were they going to do now? And most of all, how could Hades deal with all that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst begins

“Lord Hades.” Hypnos halted in his step and Kagaho almost bumped into his back and eyed him. Then his gaze focused on Hades. The God was sitting on the bed with his back straightened, bristling like a cat. Normally this would have been impressive, but now Hades cosmos didn’t spike up a single bit. The view was pathetic, Hades seeming to be even paler than when he looked at him before.

If he felt how he looked, then he must have felt horrible.

He watched Hypnos kneeling and followed suit, a step behind the God of Sleep. Kagaho wasn’t first in line to follow anyone, always doing what he believed was right, but Hypnos once proved his ability to deal with sensitive situations and Kagaho decided to give up now. He did it only for Hades, after all. To protect him properly he absolutely shouldn’t make him feel worse.

“Lord Hades, it’s good to see you awake.” Hypnos added after a while of silence during which their God didn’t seem to even try to respond. He stared at them, eyes sharp but somewhat wide. Scared? Kagaho’s chest tightened. The specter guessed he would never say again he was unable to feel pain; Hades’ pain was like his own. No, it was worse. 

“Who are you?” 

Outside Hades’ chamber, he discussed with twin gods and Pandora about all the possibilities. The worst case was, obviously, that Hades didn’t remember neither them nor himself. 

Apparently, Hypnos read a shitload of books about amnesia, so they had clue that it could have been either full, or selective memory loss. They knew it could pass, too. But there was one problem. All the medical books Hypnos had referred to humans, not Gods. While they could assume it could have been similar, no one has ever written a book or a single scroll about cases of amnesia when it came to divine beings. 

They immediately blamed Athena and her seal, of course, but because goddess usually choose to be reborn as a mortal, she most likely wasn’t even on Earth yet. Not to mention no one could guarantee them she remembered what happened, or what and why she fucked up so badly.

Hypnos came with the idea of going to Zeus and confront him with their trouble, but both Kagaho and Thanatos were against it, for now. They didn’t really trust any other gods, not to mention no one could guarantee them whether Zeus wouldn’t like to use this opportunity against Hades. And Pandora… Well. It wasn’t like no one took her opinion seriously, but the mere fact of Hades’ condition was distressing her too much to bother her with it. She had specters to manage, too.

So eventually they agreed on waiting and checking up on Hades themselves.

Kagaho thought that because he was prepared for the worst, which was Hades complete memory loss, it wouldn’t impact him this strongly, if at all.

Yet when Hades asked, or more like hissed, this one question it was as if the marble floor under his knees completely shattered. What were they going to do now? And most of all, how could Hades deal with all that? Underworld still needed to be ruled. Army of Specters was under Pandora’s orders, but it didn’t mean some wouldn’t like to create ruckus, maybe trying to overpower them. Sure thing, overpowering God was a nonsense idea, especially because there was Hypnos and Thanatos, Gods as well on Hades side… But the mere thought of his Lord going through more suffering was unbearable. 

Kagaho always thought Hades deserved to have his every will and wish granted. It didn’t matter if the need was more personal, or concerning the world. It matter that he _wanted_ that and he should be _given_ that. 

Shit. That was bad.

Hypnos, however, didn’t lose his composure even for a moment. Kagaho wondered whether the other really was so calm, or maybe he was just playing. Suspicious. He eyed him, wishing he could have seen through his attitude. 

“Lord Hades, I am Hypnos, God of Sleep. The man behind me is Bennu Kagaho, Specter belonging to Lord Hades’ army.” Hypnos bowed, but when Kagaho looked into Hades’ direction, the God’s face was filled with so many doubts it was almost visible. And strange, considering that the only emotion Hades has ever been showing was anger. Sometimes, content, but he could have counted on his fingers how rarely this occured.

Hades was rather indifferent, all worries kept deep within his own self.

Now he seemed broken. Scared. Sceptical. Comparing with the trust they have gained (yes, Kagaho still thought Hades trusted him, Otherwise he wouldn’t have been revived at all) it was like hitting straight against the wall.

“My army.” his voice sounded as hollow as before, when he repeated that after Hypnos. He didn’t remember them. Hades didn’t remember even single one of them and at this point Kagaho stopped hoping there would be at least something, anything.

It was quite an empty feeling.

“Lord Hades must be very confused.” Kagaho watched how Hypnos slowly rose to his feet. He didn’t approach, however, and Kagaho guessed it would be better if he stayed on his knees. Even if Hades remembered nothing, it was still God he vowed to protect and worship. He wouldn’t break this promise anymore.

“But we mean no harm.” Hypnos continued. When Hades looked at them again his eyes were tired, and he slumped slightly on one side, against pillows. Kagaho bit the inner side of his cheek to blood, looking down. That was the only way to stop himself from jumping to Hades’ side protectively.

“We have been by Lord Hades since centuries. May I approach Your Majesty?”

“No. Stay back.” Hades’ voice was harsh, as if the question suddenly pulled him out of daze. He straightened himself back up; Kagaho felt black flames like feathers dancing all over his aura. They were weak, though and if their God had any bits of common sense he probably knew he was defenseless. 

His attitude, however, was like he remembered. Hypnos immediately kneeled back now, bowing so low his forehead almost hit the floor. 

Kagaho wondered if their first meeting looked like that, too. 

“I understand, my Lord, I apologize for overstepping my boundaries.” 

But Hades was already slumping again and Kagaho was by his side in a second, not giving Hypnos time to react or stop him. He caught his lax body just in time, Hades’ head hitting against his chest and the specter was truly glad he didn’t wear his surplice; hurting Hades’ divine body was a sin Kagaho would die after commiting. 

Their eyes met for less than a couple of seconds before Hades’ eyelids close and Kagaho cursed under his breath. Not this again…

“He must be exhausted.” Hypnos approached, but warily, like not wanting to get caught in case Hades would wake up and look at him. 

Kagaho said nothing, not really sure whether they should depend on the knowledge of God of Sleep alone. What if Hades needed a medic? But then again with this attitude, he couldn’t imagine if he would be willing to. They didn’t want to include anyone else into that as well… It was like roaming in a damn labyrinth, without way of escaping. 

Everything in the Underworld was about Hades and even if God deputed his army with many tasks, he was still a pillar of this entire construction. Kagaho hardly imagined if they could go without his power, guidance, healing, They never had to.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _My name is Hades._

When he woke up again, he didn’t feel this dizzy anymore, neither his body was so heavy and useless. His eyelids and temples didn’t sting with dull pain and he felt almost content.

That was until he didn’t remind himself past couple of hours.

The bliss was gone in a blink of an eye and Hades sat up, feverishly searching in his mind for memories and names. 

_Hades. Dark Lord. Dark Kingdom. Kronos and Rhea._

He didn’t forget and almost sighed relieved. It was still too little, though. He still felt like there was so much _more_ to know and remember, but he at least grasped on his name and recognized being a deity.

“Lord Hades.” his eyes snapped towards the voice he had heard. The lamp got turned on, he didn’t notice it was switched off at all. Dim light helped him with noticing the shape of the person kneeling a couple of steps away from his bed. 

His muscles tensed, he barely registered grabbing on the blanket so tightly his knuckles turned white.

Who was he?

The man, either guessing or seeing his doubts looked at him before bowing.

“I am Bennu Kagaho. I have been here with Lord Hades before.” it didn’t really make him any more relaxed, but when he scanned his mind again Hades indeed revived blurry memory of a man behind… Behind who again? Another God. What was his name? It seemed impossible to recall it now and Hades got almost furious.

It was no longer than a couple of hours ago! How could he forget something so fresh, so--

“Lord Hades, are you unwell?” the voice seemed to be closer now and Hades realized he bent down, face in his hands. How ungodly. How humiliating.

Why did this man care so much? 

The longer he stayed awake, the more questions he had. The answers, however, were making everything even more unclear. Words were failing him, like he didn’t know them. He barely grasped on his own divinity, unable yet to distinguish his powers or duties. ‘Dark Kingdom’ told him nothing but only clues of himself living in constant darkness. What kind of Kingdom was it? What kind of King was he? And why, WHY he couldn’t remember? 

His eyes widened, hands falling lifelessly on his lap. 

And who told him he was a God? Hades deducted that himself. He saw flashes of memories that didn’t even need to be memories, but his dreams. Nothing confirmed his assumptions. There was not a single trace whether it was truth or lie, whether he was alive or dead. When Hades looked down at his hands he felt detached from this foreign body. He moved his fingers, but couldn’t say for sure if they are his, or he was being a toy doll locked in far too big space.

He got dizzy again, but hands caught his shoulders, steadying him. They were big and warm, strong but the grip was gentle. Did he like being touched? He didn’t know, but his body didn’t flinch one single bit, like it recognized that as something familiar. Entirely his.

“Who am I?” his lips barely moved, he doubted he even produced any sound, but Kagaho ( _” K A G A H O”_ , he repeated madly in his mind) was so close, tenderly leaning him against one of the pillows with hands still on his shoulders. 

“Lord Hades…” the man started and paused. Perhaps he simply was looking for proper words, but it made him alert anyway. Would he tell him the truth or lie? Could he trust him, or should he get out of here as soon as possible?

Get out. But to where? He knew nothing about the world he woke up to. He couldn’t tell if his repeated name even was really his, or if he was who he guessed he was. He couldn’t name objects, his dictionary so limited he was unable to even ask questions he wanted to. 

Terror shook his body, but Kagaho’s hands seemed to suddenly get warmer, heat slowly spreading through him while his shoulders got rubbed. It calmed him, a little.

“You are you.” Kagaho replied and Hades didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry. What in the world was that? If he knew anything about himself maybe these words would be more meaningful, but right it was only an empty sentence. He began growing anxious again, but specter continued.

“The most powerful, righteous God that stands as a head of his army and kingdom.” 

So his mind wasn’t making this up? Hades needed to believe in something, anything, otherwise he would go insane at this rate. 

Wasn’t it the confirmation he wanted, though? Someone just said he was a deity, and that someone, apparently, was part of his army. 

“Dark Kingdom.” Hades whispered, just a tad louder than before. It seemed to be enough to interest Kagaho. Specter looked at him and if Hades didn’t avert his gaze immediately (who gave him a permission to stare at him, a God, like that?!) he would see that the corners of his lips were lifted up in a barely-there smile.

“Dark Kingdom is how Lord Hades’ land is called. And Lord Hades himself is the Dark King.”

Hades’ body relaxed and no matter how hard he tried to keep it for himself, he couldn’t hide how his shoulders slumped, clenched jaw loosening. He could have imagined himself everything; from the earliest memories to his heritage and parents. He refused to believe, however, that he could make up title not only for himself, but also for his kingdom. That was enough, for now, and for now Hades decided to let go of his suspicious, at least to some extent. 

The grip on his shoulder lessened until Kagaho didn’t completely let go and pull back, kneeling next to the bed. Hades now had a perfect opportunity to look at him, but he still avoided that, sinking more into pillows.

For a couple of seconds he opened and closed his mouth like he wanted to add something, or ask about something but… He had no idea how to form proper sentence. It was as if a link in between his mind and tongue was broken. The eyes of imagination were showing him what he wanted to mention, but he didn’t know its name or shape. 

So he quickly turned his head away, hoping Kagaho didn’t notice how pathetic he was. 

Him, a God.

_My name is Hades._


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My… D o g?” Hades repeated, so slowly like he was tasting these words on his tongue. Like he had never heard them before and after seconds, Kagaho’s eyes opened wide as he looked at Hades almost terrified.
> 
> He was so stupid! He was so dumb, the specter was cursing himself in his mind. How could he didn’t come up with something so obvious, how Hypnos’ books didn’t tell them anything about it?!
> 
> Suddenly, everything clicked in Kagaho’s mind and he was unsure what to do. Part of him wanted to go to Hypnos and shoved what he had learned straight into his face. Part of him wanted to throw himself into Cocytus for punishment.

Kagaho opened the door quietly, After moving the doorknob, he stood still for a couple of seconds. If someone looked at him from the side, it would seem like he was lazy. It was done on purpose, however. 

During these few couple of days since Hades awakening, Kagaho noticed that the God really didn’t like to be surprised. He generally wasn’t enjoying that at all, but back then he could have been at least talked down. Now, foreign and sudden noises were making him unsettled, crushing the illusion of peace he was building around himself during the time he was spending alone. Because recently Hades wanted to be left alone almost always.

Kagaho didn’t know what to think about it, neither did twin gods. Hypnos, though, quickly came with explanation that their Lord simply needed some time to collect everything in his head. Kagaho saw little to collect, honestly.

They managed to establish that Hades remembered only his roots and that he was an emperor. Everything else vanished, completely. He had no memories of Holy Wars, of Pandora, of Underworld, Cerberus. Damn, sometimes he still didn’t react at his own name at all!

Hypnos’ smart books said memories were usually back after a couple of days, but it has been already a week, and Hades wasn’t better at all. He barely spoke, sitting propped up against the pillows, staring blankly at the wall. It was almost catatonic and Kagaho would give up everything to see him angry, displeased, demanding. Not a statue of God, but a real God.

“Lord Hades, it’s Kagaho.” he announced himself. 

Hades’ skin looked as sick as before, dark circles under his eyes seemed to be growing larger and larger, despite plenty of rest he was getting. Kagaho wasn’t sure if gods could lose weight at all, but Hades looked just as he did.

For the first two or three days Kagaho had to force himself every time to enter that chamber. This Hades was foreign to him. Despite slumbering strength his aura was pitiful, not even close to the godlike presence. It was making him angry. A couple of times he barely held himself from catching Hades’ shoulders and shaking them until his memories weren’t back.

Kagaho couldn’t comprehend how a God like Hades could go completely amnesiac.

There was one time when he felt he began to doubt Hades and his divinity and so he flied to the deepest part of Hell to punish himself for that. The injuries he gave to his own self were still bleeding.

Hypnos confronted him immediately afterwards.

“I tolerate you only because you used to be Lord Hades’ favorite. But now Lord Hades doesn’t remember you, so he certainly wouldn’t mind if you suddenly disappear.” the God hissed right against his ear. Maybe Hypnos thought he would get scared like Pandora, but he seemed to forget one thing - Kagaho didn’t fear death or punishment. These words cooled him down a little, nevertheless. He could have been impulsive and violent, but he vowed to himself to never leave Hades again. He knew Hypnos was not joking at all.

Kagaho didn’t learn how to overcome his anger, but he learnt how to hide it, so he could burst out later in solitude. He didn’t want to let the God be alone all the time. Not anymore.

Hades didn’t look at him, but approaching the bed, Kagaho kneeled down anyway. He noticed the God’s hair was slightly disheveled and had an urge to brush it, but he doubted Hades would welcome this kind of behavior at all. 

He spent long minutes in silence, only from time to time peeking whether Hades was still awake, or asleep. His knees should have hurt already, but he was used to kneeling on the marble floor; fluffy carpet like here felt like nothing. Besides, he had wounds hurting much more than that.

Finally, he heard a rustle of fabric and dared to look up. Hades was looking at him as well, but typically averted his gaze. It always made Kagaho felt weird; usually he was the one to feel unworthy looking at the God. _Why are you so different?_

“I heard the…” Hades stopped mid-sentence like he was struggling, his eyes looking all over the walls. It took him long seconds. “The sound. What is causing that?”

Kagaho opened and closed his mouth, completely confused. He had no idea what kind of sound could Hades mean. Surely, the palace, especially lately wasn’t too lively, the corridors mostly filled with nothing but steps either his own or twin gods. Sometimes a curse or two could be heard from where Thanatos was, sometimes Pandora’s music. Couldn’t Hades be more precise?! He didn’t need to act all mysterious only because he was a God.

He wasn’t sure if asking Hades to elaborate was a good idea; the other would most likely get upset and upset Hades these days was… Even harder to deal with than usually.

So instead, Kagaho looked for the source in his memory… Oh! He recalled who was whining the most since the moment the Underworld awoke.

“If Lord Hades means the howls, then it’s Cerberus. Your dog.” 

“My… D o g?” Hades repeated, so slowly like he was tasting these words on his tongue. Like he had never heard them before and after seconds, Kagaho’s eyes opened wide as he looked at Hades almost terrified.

He was so stupid! He was so dumb, the specter was cursing himself in his mind. How could he didn’t come up with something so obvious, how Hypnos’ books didn’t tell them anything about it?!

Suddenly, everything clicked in Kagaho’s mind and he was unsure what to do. Part of him wanted to go to Hypnos and shoved what he had learned straight into his face. Part of him wanted to throw himself into Cocytus for punishment. How could be ever doubt his God and be angry with him if Hades simply… Forgot?

Now Kagaho understood that Hades didn’t only lose memories about his own self and his past. He had lost much more than that; experiences, words, knowledge. He didn’t even know what a goddamn dog was and Kagaho expected from him to act like his old self. Hades woke up in a world he didn’t know and understand. He rarely spoke, because he didn’t know words. He didn’t reach outside of this room that, despite being spacious, seemed to be so suffocating to Kagaho right now. 

It wasn’t enough to tell Hades who he was.

They have to teach him everything from the beginning. Words, phrases, objects, feelings, descriptions.

Kagaho felt so guilty for not noticing this sooner; like he disappointed his Lord again. He promised to protect him and yet he almost betrayed him again. He truly _hated_ himself.

But it wasn’t the time to think about his own self, really. 

He got up and slowly approached the bed. He knew Hades watched him, but because the God didn’t say anything, Kagaho allowed himself to sit on the edge of it. In the end, he was fearless and he had done it so many times in the past… He couldn’t suddenly stop being close to Hades.

“A dog is an animal.” he started explaining slowly. Hades didn’t look at him anymore, his head almost turned away. But Kagaho could swear on his life how carefully he was listening. That was enough. He must have felt pretty humiliated with having to be explained everything like a child.

“It’s not really an animal like from the mortal world… He has three heads and is quite big, but he misses Lord Hades, that’s why he is howling quite often. If Lord Hades is bothered by that, your humble servants can bring him somewhere else.”

“Why does he… Miss me?” Hades asked so carefully that Kagaho felt a painful sting in his heart. He didn’t even notice that Hades right hand was gripping on the covers so much all his veins were visible, knuckles white. He noticed, though, the grip loosening slowly. 

Kagaho was a specter of violence and so it seemed like violence was his second name. Long time ago he left his human life and memories behind himself. Now, reborn, he didn’t want to come back to them and make them shadow his visions anymore. Thus, he wasn’t sure if he remember how to be gentle at all. 

Hades needed to be especially tender with him in this moment and Kagaho was _so_ worried he would fail. 

“Lord Hades is his favorite to play and rest with. Cerberus didn’t see Your Highness for quite a while. Missing is… When a person wants something or someone they were used to, but they can’t have it in that time.” explaining things with language as simple as possible was tough as fuck, Kagaho realized this now. It was also quite awkward, considering Hades used rather sophisticated expressions before. But the God nodded in understanding and Kagaho almost sighed with relief.

“No need to take him back. Bring him to me.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Lord Hades, if he is bothering you…” the voice belonged to woman and Hades didn’t recognize it. He was settled somewhere that seemed like a big chair (a throne, but he didn’t remember this word), reading a book. Cerberus was curled up around him like massive, fluffy blankets. His paw rested on Hades’ thigh that slowly became sore, but he barely paid attention._
> 
> _He really adored his dog._
> 
> _”He is not.” he cut out, and as an answer, Cerberus replied with a little grumble._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys we are half-way in!

He learnt that when there was no one else in the room with him it was called being left alone.

Hades wasn’t sure whether he liked being alone or not. Surely, it gave him enough space to rethink everything that has been said to him throughout the day. He could recall if he still remembered all of that. Sometimes he did. Sometimes he didn’t, and that tormented him quite a lot. Some names had to be repeated to him several times so he could get proper grasp on them and engrave them within his mind. He still kept mixing up Hypnos and Thanatos and even now, reviving their images in his thoughts Hades couldn’t say which was which. 

They didn’t seem bothered by that, but it did bother Hades. Many things bothered him, actually. 

They were bringing him something to drink and it tasted good, but he couldn’t name it. Kagaho explained to him later that it was tea, made from herbs. But he also had to explain to him what herbs where and for the rest of the day Hades lied with his back turned, too humiliated to face him.

Hades needed that time alone to calm himself and attempt to remember more. There was no effect, though, instead of memories, he was getting headache.

Sometimes staying all by himself was making him insecure, though. 

He has been said it was his favorite out of his many rooms, but he didn’t recognize anything about it. There was a window, but it was always covered with heavy curtains (which at least proved he liked darkness as he was now), two armchairs and a small coffee table. Kagaho replaced withered flowers with fresh ones on that table regularly. There was also a small, closed cabinet, but Hades didn’t have guts yet to check it. He wasn’t sure how private it was and even if he was its owner, there could have been some secrets he didn’t want yet to reveal. 

Foreign. 

This feeling was accompanying him so often these days he almost got used to it. This room was foreign. People visiting him were foreign. His body was foreign and sometimes, Hades thought that even his thoughts were foreign. 

He didn’t look at himself even once.

He wasn’t necessarily scared about what he would see, able to say by the touch alone he didn’t look bad. He didn’t feel ready to took this step for now, though. Not when the information he gathered every day were simply overwhelming.

So when he was staying alone Hades naturally had more time for thinking and wondering than he would like it. When someone was with him, they usually kept him occupied enough to pull him out of this catatonic state of only lying down and thinking.

He was told his army counted about 108 of… _What are they called?_ He forgot again and slapped his forehead, angry. One of the Gods repeated him this name just yesterday and Hades was still unable to remember it. Well, his army counted of 108 participants, either way, but he didn’t meet any of them. Ony Kagaho and twin gods visited him. He wasn’t complaining, he barely recognized their names. Any additional soul would be… It wouldn’t make him feel better, for sure.

Twin gods were quite… Peculiar. One of them was rather emotional and expressive, talking a lot and throwing information at him. The second one was calmer and gentler, but sometimes Hades had troubles with understand what he was saying. He kind of liked Kagaho.

The man always seemed to have a lot of patience with him. He was tender, mindful of his boundaries, paying attention to his body language. His voice was soft and quiet and it didn’t make him jump up from being startled every minute. Kagaho described to him everything, even if sometimes Hades didn’t want it. 

But all that wasn’t helping. He still couldn’t remind himself a single thing more.

Hades was wondering what kind of God he was. Who of divine presence ever struggled from a memory loss? Who of divine presence was not able to help themselves? There were times when he felt really useless. He couldn’t take care of his kingdom, he didn’t remember his army, his enemies or allies. He was… Such a bother, wasn’t he? They were forced to treat him like a porcelain doll that could crack and break just with one rough move. Gods shouldn’t be like this. Gods should stand tall and proud, emanating of their godhood, holding themselves with grace. Hades couldn’t… Even find strength to pull himself out of this bed.

He both liked and disliked being with someone, just as he liked and disliked being alone.

When the door to the chamber opened Hades pushed himself up and straightened his back, to at least don’t look this pathetic. He knew these efforts very futile, he couldn’t really comprehend how they visited him every day without disgust.

Maybe he was a good king, back then? Maybe, but not anymore. 

“Cerberus!” before he could even understand what was going on, three-headed beast was all over himself.

The dog was huge. His single head was half-size of Hades whole body, his paw so enormous that when it rested on the bed, Hades almost fell from it. His tail was wagging excitedly.

Only now he remembered he asked Kagaho to bring Cerberus here, to ease his longing and howls that became more and more frequent with every day. He didn’t look like the dogs Kagaho showed him in the book at all.

One of the heads leaned closer to him, nose gently nudging his thigh. Hades looked at him and suddenly got so dizzy he almost threw up.

_Cerberus, Cerberus, CERBERUS._

He repeated in his mind like a mad-man and before Hades even realized his hands were all over the beast’s fur, stroking it, touching, grasping, like he wanted to make sure he was real and not his imagination. 

He was shaking, not even trying to hide it, black dots dancing in front of his eyes.

_“Lord Hades, if he is bothering you…” the voice belonged to woman and Hades didn’t recognize it. He was settled somewhere that seemed like a big chair (a throne, but he didn’t remember this word), reading a book. Cerberus was curled up around him like massive, fluffy blankets. His paw rested on Hades’ thigh that slowly became sore, but he barely paid attention._

_He really adored his dog._

_”He is not.” he cut out, and as an answer, Cerberus replied with a little grumble._

“Lord Hades are you alright?” he blinked himself out of the memory when pair of hands caught him, another pair of hands trying to pull Cerberus away from him. No, no, no, he remembered Cerberus!

“Stay back!” his shout sounded almost like a whine. They backed off, and Hades realized they were twin gods. He didn’t pay attention to them, grabbing on the dog’s head like it was his only link between his past and present. 

From that day, Cerberus was always in his chamber.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Of course!” Pandora assured quickly and nodded her head almost eagerly. “I should go help Lord Hades dress up then and--”
> 
> “No.”
> 
> “B-but Lord Hypnos…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I adore Pandora and yet I do awful things to her

“Lord Hypnos, Lord Hades have to appear in front of the army. It never took so long, they are getting concerned.” Pandora bowed low, lower than Kagaho had ever bowed to Hades.

They were settled two chambers away from Hades now, sitting by the long table. Somehow all of them kept quite a huge distance, the only exception Hypnos and Thanatos, sitting shoulder by shoulder. Pile of books was in front of Hypnos, but he wasn’t paying attention to them for now.

Kagaho wasn’t usually too interested in meetings like this. He avoided them at all costs, unless Hades wanted otherwise. Now, for the sake of the God however, he was always present when important matters were discussed. 

He wasn’t the highest specter rank, himself. But Hades adored him during the previous Holy War, and Hypnos just happened to keep him around. This itself was suspicious, but Kagaho wasn’t interested in his reasons. He only cared of the God’s well being. 

Having Pandora admit something like this made him irritated, though. Hades didn’t leave his chamber even once. How in the world could he go and meet his entire army?! He quickly looked at the faces of both twin gods. Hypnos was indifferent as always. Thanatos seemed to be sipping his tea calmly, but the tightened grip on the cup was too clear to go unnoticed.

“Are you worried your army will rebel against our God, Pandora?” Hypnos asked finally and Pandora’s eyes went all wide. He knew she wasn’t too fond of twin gods, mutually.

“No! But the army is always mindful of Lord Hades well being. If they don’t see it with their own eyes… I can’t fool them forever.”

It was obvious they were absolutely not going to tell anyone else about Hades’ condition. At first they have discussed whether the Three Judges should know the truth, but because it has been just a couple of days, they decided otherwise. It wasn’t like they didn't trust them. Hades was capable of finding himself only the best men. But the truth would have created ruckus and worry they wanted to avoid. Besides, all of them quietly hoped the matter was going to solve itself.

Three Judges were busy anyway. 

Hypnos played with his glasses for a while, like in a deep thought. The atmosphere so heavy it could have been cut with a knife. Their meetings were different with Hades around; lighter. But Hades was now asleep with Cerberus protectively curled around his bed. He doubted he would have been any help, anyway. 

“Alright them. We will arrange the meeting in one to two days. Lord Hades absolutely cannot talk to them, however. Be prepared to do all the talk, Pandora.” Hypnos ordered finally and Kagaho clenched his jaw. Their Lord wasn’t particularly talkative, but specters got to know him from a different side. He was kind when he was in the mood, quietly listening to their rambles, or casually joining them in their quarters. Kagaho was worried if it wouldn’t cause more gossips than it should, but it wasn’t his place to speak at all.

“Of course!” Pandora assured quickly and nodded her head almost eagerly. “I should go help Lord Hades dress up then and--”

“No.”

“B-but Lord Hypnos…”

“Lord Hades doesn’t remember you. If you show up out of nowhere and start requesting to assist him, he will get angry. You don’t want to make Lord Hades angry, do you, Pandora?”

It wasn’t really fair towards Pandora and Kagaho for a while felt almost bad for her. Hades was like her younger brother, after all. She was always by his side, in good or bad, and she probably knew him and his preferences the best. He understood she must have been hurt now, unable to help… But Kagaho understood Hypnos’ point of view as well.

Because upon Hades awakening Pandora was too busy with the army she didn’t get yet a chance to see him. Normally it wouldn’t have been a problem, she could go to him any time. Yet now, with Hades’ memory loss the God wouldn’t recognize her anyway. 

In this situation meeting his army could have been too much, not to mention being assisted by an unknown woman. Kagaho had to admit, surprised, that it seemed as if Hypnos really _cared_.

“Be in charge with preparing proper clothes for Lord Hades, you know what he likes the most. Kagaho will help him.”

Oh? Now he was pretty sure Pandora would hate him even more. She was always somehow afraid of Kagaho taking her spot by Lord Hades’ side. Surely, some of her worries could be understood, but Kagaho was never interested in things like that. He remained by him only to protect him.

Then… Some occurrences happened, things he had to take care of first, before he could come back to Hades cleansed, without sins or human feelings tormenting him anymore. Too bad he didn’t get yet a chance to explain himself. He… Actually felt bad, sometimes, that Hades didn’t remember. That he couldn't scold or punish him. Kagaho thought he deserved that.

“Are you going to explain to Lord Hades why is this needed?” Kagaho guessed his verbal agreement wasn’t necessary at all so instead, he switched to the point he found more concerning.

Hypnos pretended he wasn’t bothered by the lack of respect Kagaho addressed him with.

“Yes.” the reply was short, but firm. Kagaho didn’t press anymore, because last days Hypnos already proved his way with words. And he was going to be there all the time anyway, so surely he wouldn’t let Hades get hurt or misunderstand anything.

The silence fell, everyone seemed to be lost in thoughts. Moreover, it wasn’t like they knew what they should talk about, anyway. They weren’t friends, their only link was Hades.

“If Lord Hades remembered Cerberus, maybe we should take him to his temple in Elysion.” Thanatos finally spoke up, not even raising his gaze from the cup. He was always arrogant. Sometimes Kagaho thought twin gods had quite some of Hades’ features. Or maybe it was Hades having some of theirs? 

“I am not sure what triggered this memory. If this is something Lord Hades knew, then he should as well have some memories of us.” 

“We can’t stay here doing nothing, Hypnos. If the Holy War begins--”

“I have read.” Hypnos interrupted, not even minding the disapproved look Thanatos sent him. “Hypnosis helps humans with amnesia. I am going to try this with Lord Hades. If it doesn’t work, we will most likely need to get used to this situation and teach Lord Hades everything from the beginning.”

Shit.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he peeked at the scattered mirror he looked pathetic, but there was no blood on him. 
> 
> Hades wanted to remember, but it seemed that remembering came with a great price. Like he wasn’t yet ready to handle that, or like it was coming too unexpectedly for him to prepare for sudden visions.

Kagaho brought him a mirror and very expensive set of clothing.

Even despite the fact that he agreed on meeting his army, he was still unsure of the pertinence of this idea. Hades couldn’t remember if he always do that, or, for that matter, what he was doing at all in the Underworld ( _That’s how my Dark Kingdom is called, too._ ). Naturally then, a fear if he wouldn’t raise any suspicions arose. What if he sits in a wrong way? Walks in a wrong way? He didn’t know if they knew him good or not. He knew nothing. 

He let Kagaho brush his hair, the specter standing behind him.

It was a nice feeling, like Kagaho wasn’t doing this for the first time. He knew exactly how to not tug on the strands and for a while, Hades thought he would like to spend more time like this, in nothing but comforting silence. He scolded himself for that, though. He was a God and it seemed like a pleasure gods were not allowed to have. Hypnos would say it’s a mortal kind of thing, but Hades didn’t know much about mortals. He didn’t remember them.

Kagaho helped him with dressing up, and it seemed like he wasn’t doing this for the first time, too. 

“It’s ready, Lord Hades. Would you like to see your reflection?” 

He wondered about that for a couple of seconds. The look on Kagaho’s face told him he finally looked like a God he remembered. Maybe it was worth giving a try, then? 

He nodded, arranging his sleeves. Not because they weren’t properly adjusted, more for simply keeping himself occupied with something. When the mirror rose he avoided it for a while, anyway. He tried to reassure himself there was nothing wrong. It was just a reflection, right? Surely it wouldn’t show him anything obscure…

He looked at his legs at first, noticing how tall he was; black long robes making him seem even taller. When he looked at his face he backed off, swaying, almost losing his balance.

“Lord Hades!” the mirror ended up on the ground, scattered. 

Arms caught him, preventing him from crushing on the floor just like this mirror did. His knees buckled under his weight, suddenly Hades felt too weak to hold himself upright at all.

His head has been throbbing painfully.

For a flash second when he looked in the mirror, he saw his body covered with blood, thin line of it lazily going down his cheek. He remembered he had been hurt, but he didn’t know who hurt him. He remembered how much he hated being hurt; a pure fire-like anger flowing through his veins. Then for a split second his face looked different; eyes and hair all the same, but he was much smaller, facial features completely different.

Could he change his image?

“Lord Hades.” when he heard Kagaho’s voice again they were sitting on the floor, specter’s arms tightly around him, his forehead on the other’s shoulder. Kagaho clearly nudged him to check if he was alright, but Hades felt too nauseated to bring himself to reply.

When he peeked at the scattered mirror he looked pathetic, but there was no blood on him. 

Hades wanted to remember, but it seemed that remembering came with a great price. Like he wasn’t yet ready to handle that, or like it was coming too unexpectedly for him to prepare for sudden visions. 

“Don’t come in!” Kagaho shouted and he supposed someone knocked on the door, but couldn’t hear it at all. He was glad Kagaho didn’t let anyone else see him like this; wouldn’t they think he was unworthy of titling himself a God? He was, anyway. 

Gods shouldn’t have been weak. Gods shouldn’t have been many things he was now.

“Lord Hades, if you feel tired, you can rest first.” 

How long it has been? He couldn’t say. He closed his eyes for what seemed merely a second but when Kagaho’s voice pulled him out of the daze, he realized he was almost lying in his arms, nestled there securely, with head in the crook of his elbow. 

“Just a moment.” he managed to breathe out, voice weirdly faint. 

He woke up tucked in with warmth and slowly sat up, hand on his back for support. It took him a couple of seconds to recall what made him this vulnerable and Hades bent down, forehead against his hand. He hoped remembering would be easier and less painful. Were all his memories so dark, so… Obscure? 

Oh, but it wasn’t the time now. He was about to go meet his army and probably he was already late.

“Lord Hades.” the voice next to his ear was soft and when he raised his head again, Kagaho’s nose nearly brushed his own. The specter, however, pulled back slightly out of respect.

“If Lord Hades is feeling unwell, we can postpone the meeting.”

“No, those were just… Memories.” he felt embarrassed the moment he voiced it out. But if this man was a part of his army, shouldn’t he be aware? They were all waiting for him to remember something, anything, anyway.

Hades got up, with Kagaho’s arm tightly around his waist, the second hand supporting his hip in case he would lost his balance again. After that moment of rest, however, Hades felt much better. There was still dull pain in his temples, but it was little, a God like him shouldn’t have been bothered.

“Is this painful?”

It caught Hades off guard. Kagaho sounded so genuine asking that, like he didn’t only do it out of duty, but also from a real concern. 

“Just… A little.” his answer was nothing but a whisper, like a murmur of wind against tree branches. But Kagaho heard that and before Hades could react, he felt arms wrapping around himself, pulling him close, so close.

He didn’t know how to describe what Kagaho just did, but his body leaned against him almost eagery. It felt like his muscles worked faster than his brain; his face on the crook of Kagaho’s neck while hand landed in his hair, stroking it. He stood there unsure what to do, but at the very same time rather content. It… Was safe. Kagaho seemed safe. That lifted a bit of the burden from his shoulders and Hades thought perhaps he could do it.

“Lord Hades, I won’t leave your side.”

The declaration was still ringing in his ears when they were going through long corridors of his palace. It was still ringing in his ears when he was sitting on the throne in front of his army.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How… Is this place called again?” 
> 
> “Elysion, Lord Hades.” Kagaho wasn’t bothered anymore that Hades often averted his gaze. He understood the God must have been especially humiliated when his memory kept failing him like that. This understanding, however, came too late and after far too many wounds he burnt on himself and wanted to burn on Hades. Kagaho thought he would never be able to wash away all his sins, even if he didn’t commit them and only considered them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Five more chapter to go.
> 
> I guess I will cry when I finish posting this story lol

Hades looked a bit more content that day, Kagaho noticed, putting the cup of tea in front of him. 

He took the spot by his side then, looking around. They were sitting on the terrace of the Elysion’ palace, small roof hiding them from the sun. The breeze was fresh and for a while Kagaho wondered if Hades wasn’t cold; the robes he wore were so light after all.

But the God didn’t look bothered, after careful inspection Kagaho didn’t notice he was trembling. His face seemed almost soft, usually clenched jaw relaxed, which at least stopped giving illusion that Hades was emaciated. Cerberus laid next to his feet, Hades didn’t really go anywhere without the dog following them.

At first, Kagaho considered it rather bothersome, the beast was so big and spoiled he was first one to cause ruckus whenever he went. Right now, however, just as feeling his master wasn’t alright, Cerberus was like a lamb, only staying as close to Hades as possible. Kagaho could also understand why Hades wanted Cerberus always with him, too. The dog was only link he had to his previous life, before memory loss. Besides, who was Kagaho to deny his Lord anything?

To say the situation was getting better was a big understatement. There was hardly any progress in Hades remembrance. From time to time, when something triggered it, a small flashback hit Hades. Kagaho hated watching it, though, because Hades usually bent or collapsed from pain. Sometimes he was suffering for hours straight, not allowing anyone close to him, even Cerberus. 

Things he remembered were of small importance; once he recalled Poseidon as his brother, or Ares asking him for help, or destroyed Underworld. Kagaho occasionally thought that he would rather see Hades not remembering rather than in pain.

When the God felt better, he did his best to grant his every unspoken wish. 

Kagaho tried many things. He knew what Hades liked the most, but it was before he lost his memory, so now he had to either find new or confirm the ones he knew. Thus, he was brushing his hair, telling him stories, showing him the way to play with Cerberus, taking him on walks, taught him how to arrange flowers into bouquets, tried writing. 

Hades liked the most when he read him books out loud. 

He still struggled with majority of the words and expressions, but Kagaho explained to him patiently every single thing, if only was questioned or caught his unsure look. 

_Lord Hades is Lord Hades,_ he remembered telling him once. When he was especially upset or angry he repeated these words, like trying to reassure himself it was still the God he vowed to. Sometimes he saw it. Sometimes Hades’ lips curled up just barely in a smile Kagaho knew so well. Sometimes he smoothed his robes with the exact same manner he had before. Sometimes he played with the strand of his hair, or rubbed the bridge of his nose. He knew Hypnos and Thanatos realized that too. It was like a grounding, for all of them. A reminder Hades was still there, just trapped in some horrible nightmare.

“How… Is this place called again?” 

“Elysion, Lord Hades.” Kagaho wasn’t bothered anymore that Hades often averted his gaze. He understood the God must have been especially humiliated when his memory kept failing him like that. This understanding, however, came too late and after far too many wounds he burnt on himself and wanted to burn on Hades. Kagaho thought he would never be able to wash away all his sins, even if he didn’t commit them and only considered them.

“It’s a place Lord Hades has created so the worthy and pure souls can get eternal rest in. It’s… Kind of a prize.”

“A prize..”

“A… Reward. When someone does something good, or noble, or anything, they are being given something.”

Hades nodded. 

Kagaho still wasn’t really good in explaining things to him. Both Hypnos and Thanatos were doing much better than that, but sometimes Hades seemed to be overwhelmed with their presences. Therefore, they tried to give the God as much space as it was possible. Back in the past, he didn’t see them interacting with Hades too much, so he was quite… Surprised. They seemed to be spoiling him a lot and they could easily read things from his face. That was probably an effect of centuries and centuries spent together.

_”Lord Hades kindly took us in and let us stay by your side, because we share similar opinions on many matters. Everything Lord Hades can see was built by you on our eyes. We have always been your closest assistants, and this will never going to change.”_

There was a weird affection on Hypnos’ face when he said this to Hades, God listening to him attentively, he remembered. 

Kagaho definitely wasn’t growing fond of twin gods. But he learned to tolerate them and understand that maybe they didn’t really mean anything wrong; maybe they wanted to protect Hades as he was doing. They simply used different methods.

“Did you bring any books with yourself?” Hades finally turned gaze at him and Kagaho nodded his head. Oh, lately he spent hours in the Underworld’s library, searching for titles Hades would like. Sometimes he needed to ask Hypnos or Thanatos for advice. Especially Hypnos, though. Thanatos knew as little of books as he did.

“I did, Lord Hades. Would you like me to start reading?” a short nod was given and Kagaho picked up the book from where it was lying next to Cerberus.

When he finished reading second chapter, Hades was already fast asleep, lulled by his voice. They weren’t in rush, so Kagaho closed the book, waiting for him to awake on his own.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hypnos tries hypnosis on Hades to see if this can trigger his memories back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The closer we are to the end, the more kind of... Hurt I feel? I am so emotionally attached to this story ah. Thank you for reading!

“Do you think this is going to wor--”

“Silence, Thanatos.” 

Going on for a single day without bickering? That was impossible when it came to twin gods, Kagaho noticed. It was something truly amusing, sometimes. Mostly annoying, though, because they couldn’t stop that even in one room with Hades. He was wondering how the God could stand them for centuries. He doubted they had enough manners to stop their little arguments even in front of him.

Kagaho had similar doubts to Thanatos, however. Hypnos was a God of Sleep, quite powerful, but having no idea about what he was doing right now. His abilities included putting whoever he wanted into eternal slumber, but they didn’t include hypnosis at all. Especially hypnosis on a God. Not to mention he learned that from mortal books alone.

Hypnos said it was impossible to cause any harm to Hades and he could wake him up at his will (yet somehow he couldn’t do it when the God was in coma) but even despite Hades’ own agreement, Kagaho was still unsure. 

He had seen the weight returning memories had on Hades; if they were all to come back at once we was afraid the God would crumble completely, overwhelmed. Kagaho didn’t know everything about Hades and his past, but he imagined centuries of being alive were not a small deal at all. 

Hypnos also said it was their only chance. If this fails, then they would need to get used to that new reality.

Hades half-lied against all the fluffed up pillows on his bed, seeming like in a sleep that wasn’t exactly a sleep. It took Hypnos a couple of hours to manage to put him into this state and a couple of different attempts. At first he used some ridiculous sentences from the book, but because it was of no use, he switched to telling him the stories from mortal world. His voice was so low and boring Thanatos and Kagaho almost dozed off faster than Hades.

“Lord Hades, can you hear me?” Hypnos sat on the edge of the bed. 

For a long couple of seconds only silence answered and when they thought it didn’t succeed, Hades hummed lowly in acknowledgement. Oh. Maybe these books weren’t completely useless, then.

“It’s me, Hypnos. Can you tell me what is the name of the God of Death?”

“Thanatos.”

“Hypnos are you an idiot? How can you check his memory if you are asking him something he knows and--” Thanatos has been cut off with the smack to his head and Hypnos looked at him warningly. It was rare to see Hypnos angry, but he definitely wasn’t too pleased in that very moment.

“If you cannot shut your mouth then leave, Thanatos. Unless you want to do it yourself.” he hissed and the other God looked away. Surely this scolding humiliated him, and Kagaho didn’t even know how to react. Couple of brats they were. He huffed to himself quietly, their personal opinions mattered a little in the light of Hades’ well being.

“Where are we?”

“In the Underworld.”

“Who is ruling the Underworld?”

“I am.”

These idiotic questions didn’t seem to stop. Hypnos most likely asked Hades about everything he could think of, but also everything the God already know. His voice was clear like a glass, but a bit quiet and really soft, like he wasn’t exactly aware of even answering. Both Kagaho and Thanatos had no idea what was the point in asking questions of such, but none of them dared to interrupt Hypnos either way. Maybe he would enlighten them later on.

“Lord Hades, can you tell me names of your Three Judges?”

“Rhadamanthys. Minos. Aiacos.”

There was not even a second of hesitation, and Kagaho held his breathing. Was it really going to work? He couldn’t help but sent Hypnos a hopeful gaze. None of them reminded Hades their names, he had already too much to remember; they only briefly informed him of a Judge position. 

Maybe they were on a good way? Kagaho didn’t want to hope for too much, but that small, bright flame got lit inside and he couldn’t ignore it like this. Not after weeks of insecurities and failed attempts to accept it.

“Lord Hades, when you were sealed last time, was it any different from what you remembered?”

Silence fell from another couple of seconds.

“Mm-mm.” the hum was so low almost like Hades was falling asleep. But because Hypnos didn’t seem concerned, Kagaho didn’t see a reason to intervene, either.

“Lord Hades, can you try to elaborate?”

“All the same.” shit. Did it mean the fault wasn’t Athena’s? But if not hers, then whose? Surely, Hades wasn’t the most liked God out there, but Kagaho couldn’t think about anyone playing such tricks on him. “Darkness. Void. Pain.”

“P a i n?” Hypnos repeated and by the exchanged looks between him and Thanatos, he could already say there was something wrong. 

“What’s going on?” Kagaho hissed, but Thanatos only mouthed “not now” as Hypnos kept interrogating their Lord.

Hades hummed in agreement.

“Can you perhaps tell me where were you hurt?”

“Everywhere.” 

Hades flicked his tongue to lick his lips that suddenly went dry. 

“What hurt you, Lord Hades?” 

The reply never came. Hades bent down, with head in his arms. His shoulders shook gently and Kagaho recognized this as something he had witnessed a couple of times.

“Hypnos stop this right now!” 

But Hypnos hands were already on Hades’ shoulders, as the God of Sleep continuously called his name. Kagaho didn’t know how he managed to be this calm.

When Hades opened his eyes and looked at them, he knew their efforts failed.

Hypnosis didn’t make Hades remember anything new. If anything, it only exhausted him so much he slept through the rest of the day. Luckily, Hades didn’t remember hypnosis itself, too. 

The pain they saw him in scared the shit out of them. Kagaho couldn’t stop but wonder what or who caused it? What was brave enough to come near their Lord and harm him to the point of complete amnesia? All the 200 years has been spent by him in suffering and Kagaho understood now the gazes Hypnos and Thanatos gave each other. Seal was a punishment, but it was like sleep. A peaceful, very long slumber that should never, by any chance, cause any pain. 

Both twins immediately fled to Elysion to look for traces.

Kagaho stayed with Hades, tucking him in with blankets like it could shield him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes he wanted to remember. Sometimes he didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two upcoming chapters will be most important in this story. 
> 
> I actually can't believe I am nearing the end with this one.

You can never get used to memory loss.

Hades didn’t but after two months (Kagaho told him it has been two months and showed him this whole concept of time) he learnt how to more or less accept it and keep going. After all, it wasn’t his place to get emotional and vulnerable over something he couldn’t control. He was a King and he had Kingdom to lead.

Hypnos and Thanatos were slowly and patiently teaching him the strategies and explaining past choices. They still had to tell him a lot about dictionary they used; it was professional, difficult to understand. He still struggled with names of his specters, recognizing far less than ten of them. 

His steps were small and careful, barely noticeable from the side, but they were there. He didn’t mix up Hypnos and Thanatos anymore. He was moving around nearest chambers rather easily. He looked at his reflection in the mirror.

Some days were tougher, though.

Occasionally he didn’t feel like leaving the bed, his muscles aching, his head throbbing. He felt completely useless then; he was completely useless.

All the matters concerning Underworld and his army were handled by people which names he could barely remember. No one came to him for consultation, no one wanted to hear his opinion on anything. To be fair, Hades knew the reasons for that. He didn’t have have this opinion, not understanding at least half of the things that were said to him. 

Sometimes… When Hades felt especially bad he thought he should have never woken up at all. 

He was only a bother, wasn’t he? He couldn’t control his cosmos yet, not even thinking about defending himself. He couldn’t take care of his kingdom. He had to be constantly taken care of, taught, pay attention to, just like a child. Many, many things had to be explained to him. He couldn’t even wander around his own damn territory, because he could simply get lost.

It was upsetting. There were times when Hades dug nails into his arm until the blood appeared. There were times when he snapped and yelled for so long until he lost his voice. There were times he didn’t want even Cerberus around him and he cried, cried and cried.

It has never helped, only made him feel more pitiful. 

What kind of God let himself be consumed by his feelings to this extend? Thanatos told him humans were this extraordinary emotional and it was disgusting. Hades felt disgusting, too.

He didn’t really see a divine being when he was looking at himself in the mirror. He was beautiful and that was a fact, but some exhaustion still creeped on his face here or there, anguish too clear to be missed. Kagaho told him once his body was of a true God, but Hades couldn’t see it. The image was miserable. He felt miserable.

Mostly, he kept all that for himself. He suffered alone, locked in his too big and too perfect room. Like a bird in a gold cage Kagaho once read him about.

It wasn’t always bad, though.

Hades’ feelings and perception were one, but he would have lied saying that twin gods and Kagaho didn’t try hard. Especially Kagaho.

The specter always welcomed him warmly, always had a couple of gentle, praising words to tell him (and sometimes Hades was a step away from blushing). 

Kagaho also seemed to understand his needs quite perfectly. Every morning he delivered him fresh tea; at this point Hades was able to pick his favorite one and Kagaho stuck to this routine. He wasn’t sure whether his taste was the same in the past or no, but he didn’t want to ask. 

He was patient, explaining things to him before Hades managed to ask about them. Sometimes he insisted on brushing his hair, and Hades kept these memories close to his heart, silently praying every night to never lose them. 

He read him books and told him many, many stories about life in the Underworld and his specters. 

He let him doze on his shoulder when they were sitting under crown of tree branches, after hours long walk through the Elysion.

Kagaho was a steady presence by his side, stubbornly and shamelessly coming in his chamber even when Hades didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. And he couldn’t just tell him to scram, really. Even if sometimes his lips were already forming this sentence, it couldn’t be voiced out, like something was blocking him. Maybe it was his heart, maybe common sense. 

Hades, in fact, deep inside really didn’t want Kagaho to go away.

Sometimes he wanted to remember. Sometimes he didn’t.

Waves of memories always meant pain Hades was never prepared for. There didn’t exist any pattern, any rule why and when they are appearing; everything could trigger them starting from taking a bath, through talking, seeing a certain flower to the scent of his robes. It was usually a flash like a thunderbolt, often so quick it was hard to remember any details. The headache coming right after was agonizing and it always lasted for more than one day, leaving him unable to even form any coherent thoughts.

Kagaho was always with him then. 

He often ended up in the specter’s arms when his legs were too weak to carry his weight, dizziness so big he was getting sick. 

Kagaho knew he liked silence during times like those, even a bit of dim light making the pain explode even stronger. He didn’t speak then, all his motions barely audible. Because Hades refused to even drink tea, he used wet cloth to wipe his mouth and pulsating temples. Later on, he massaged his entire scalp until Hades wasn’t visibly better. He tended to be cold and after some weeks, Kagaho always lied behind him, sending him warmth until he stopped shivering. 

Hades truly and honestly liked Kagaho.

The reality he was in wasn’t so scary anymore when he knew he would be caught if he falls.

It wasn’t enough, but at least it didn’t let him give up.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I am so sorry I let you get hurt.” he mouthed, but the words still sounded much louder in the mute room that he would like them to. But Hades was sound asleep, small flush on his usually pale cheeks due to the warmth Kagaho was sheltering him with. 
> 
> “Lord Hades, I wish you will remember one day, because there is so much I want to tell you and apologize for.” he continued, leaning slightly closer.

Kagaho was sitting on the floor next to the bed, chin propped on the soft mattress. Dim, yellowish light was illuminating Hades’ face, but the God didn’t seem to be bothered by that at all. He was curled up on his side, lips slightly parted. Sometimes his sleep was really restless and Kagaho was relieved to see how soft his features were right now; his forehead without a single crease, jaw unclenched, hands not curled into fists on the blankets. 

He wanted to hope small things like this were leading them to a path of settlement, but then Hades was almost motionless on the bed again, pain of returned memories so big it was all over his face. 

Kagaho always wondered what he felt and thought in such moments, but because he didn’t seem too eager to share it, the specter didn’t press.

So that road was really thorny and rocky, but when there was peace, he wanted to enjoy this peace.

He reached out slowly, looking at the shadow his fingers were casting on Hades’ face that he touched afterwards, as tenderly as it was possible. The God didn’t even flinch and Kagaho hoped he was either dreaming of his favorite darkness or something more pleasant than the constant insecurity he had to deal with for so long now.

“I am so sorry I let you get hurt.” he mouthed, but the words still sounded much louder in the mute room that he would like them to. But Hades was sound asleep, small flush on his usually pale cheeks due to the warmth Kagaho was sheltering him with. 

“Lord Hades, I wish you will remember one day, because there is so much I want to tell you and apologize for.” he continued, leaning slightly closer. He could feel Hades steady breathing on his nose and he wished… He really wished he could hug him. Show him all the affection he failed to coddle him with.

Kagaho has never preferred Alone over Hades.

Surely, there were many things proving otherwise and he had made many mistakes during that damned Holy War. But Kagaho was inexperienced back then, only now realizing how much of his humanity was within him. 

He was still mourning the death of his brother, inability to protect him weighing heavily on his shoulders. When he had seen Alone for the first time, it was like everything around him stopped. Like he gained the chance to repair what he had broken, the chance he wished so long for.

He wanted to be by Alone’s side forever, but he was new to the army, barely anyone knew him, not to mention of any trust.

That was, everyone except Hades.

The God was so different than the boy he had possessed, even though Alone perfected the art of playing feared Lord of the Underworld. What they had in common, however, were pure intentions.

Their beliefs and views on the world were so different, like black and white, yin and yang. To Alone, death was salvation. To Hades, it was punishment. Both of them wanted to save the world using their own methods and Kagaho was never going to judge whether some of them were better and some worse. Everyone used what they were given, didn’t they? 

Alone was like his younger brother. Hades was much more than that; he was a God, his master, his pain in the ass, sometimes (even though he would rather say _he_ was the one being pain in Hades’ ass). He loved them both, but differently. And so he wanted to protect them both.

Even if Kagaho thought overpowering Hades wasn’t Alone smartest move, he didn’t judge him. Sometimes he could feel soul buzzing angrily inside of the boy’s body, but always managed to coax them down. He learnt many things dealing with both of them at once, really. It took him to the point when he could easily distinguish which one of them he was talking to, even if they usually used the same voice and manners. He just _knew_ , like it was engraved within his heart.

Choosing between Hades and Alone was the toughest decision in his entire life. Tougher than even the one of becoming a specter (because then there was nothing to left behind). 

Hades had the whole army behind his back, Hypnos, Thanatos and Pandora. Hades was powerful. Alone had no one.

Originally, he planned to help Alone claim his body and come back to Hades’s side to continue Holy War. But even in life of a specter not everything goes according to the plan. He thought he left Hades in good hands, but it turned out there was nothing to come back to. The conflict between Hades and Alone was too big to be talked down, coaxed, silenced.

Holy War took a turn Hades always told him about; they were defeated, broken, sealed. 

Kagaho didn’t regret helping Alone and staying by his side when everyone, including Hades, wanted to annihilate him, but sometimes he thought whether the things would end up differently if he didn’t choose him. Thinking about it right now made no sense, though. Kagaho had his fair share with Alone, but the moment he got revived, he simply wanted to be by Hades’ side. To protect him like he had failed, to direct words and promises only at him, not at his vessel anymore.

His promises to Alone were fulfilled. To Hades, not yet.

He wondered what would Hades’ thoughts be if he remembered him and his betrayal. Would he be sleeping so peacefully with Kagaho watching him? Would he allow to be touched and spoiled, or maybe he would immediately punish and end him?

Kagaho thought he deserved punishment, but only from Hades’ hands. Everything else was meaningless. He hurt Hades. If he was about to be hurt back, then only by him.

Then again, Kagaho wasn’t exactly sure if the God was really hurt. Maybe he was simply angry? Maybe it didn’t matter to him whether a single unit was in or out his army. 

“I hope I was making your life a little bit better, Lord Hades.” he gently run hand against Hades’ cheekbone. He always had a feeling Hades lost weight, but now the evidence was under his fingers. It made him feel bad and… Sad? Kagaho didn’t think he knew this emotion anymore, and yet here it was, screaming right into his face.

“I wish I could have taken this trouble away from you.”

If he only had a chance, Kagaho would turn back time and never let anyone seal Hades. The thought of the God spending more than 200 of years in darkness that instead of comfort and nothingness brought him anguish was making him nauseated. Tormented awake. Tormented asleep. 

Maybe, in eyes of some, Hades was not the best god out there. Maybe his sense of justice was twisted, maybe he was bizarre. But did someone who only followed his beliefs deserve all that?

Kagaho was growing angry again, and quickly tried to blink himself out of that trance. It wasn’t the place and time for focusing on his own self. It wasn’t the place and time on getting violent. He had to take care of Hades.

“Lord Hades, I always loved you. I hope you know this.”

When his gaze followed finger tracing against Hades’ cheek he realized the God was staring at him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lord Hades!” 
> 
> Melody of voices. Then there was darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last most important chapter in this story that, I hope, will clear everything up.
> 
> Chapter 15 will be just short epilogue.

In one of the books read to him, there was a word ‘thunderstorm’. Kagaho explained it as atmospheric phenomenon, but Hades understood it simply linked with nature and mortal world. It didn’t took place in the Underworld, so he could only imagine.

He felt like there was a thunderstorm going inside of his head in that moment and he didn’t need to imagine it anymore.

It was so loud, much louder than hitting wall with a metal rod. The noise resonated from within him, flowing along with the blood, pulsating in the rhythm of his heart that speed up so much, like it was about to burst out of his chest.

Like the bird finally freed himself from the golden cage.

Images, voices, colors, blood, happiness, hurt, sadness, sleep, wishes, cosmos, grass, river, throne.

Black, purple, red, blue, brown, grey.

Darkness.

When the pain got to his head Hades clutched it and almost screamed, surprised with the intensity of that feeling. Like he was burning alive. 

“Lord Hades!” 

Melody of voices. Then there was darkness.

***

He stretched on the bed like a cat, making small, low noise. Oh, he must have slept in a really uncomfortable position, because there was a dull pain in his neck, slowly spreading to his temples.

He will need to ask Pandora to make him tea and--

“Lord Hades?”

The voice was so loud, he hissed quietly. It almost reminded him of that one time when the entire Underworld celebrated Aiacos’ birthday and the wine Minos brought from the mortal realm tasted especially good and it disappeared oh so quickly!

“Lord Hades??”

“Silence, Hypnos.” _Hypnos???_ “Who in the world even let you in my chamber, where is Pand--”

Wait. 

Hades went through his mind almost frantically. Underworld. Specters. Dark Kingdom. Holy Wars with Athena. Kagaho. Twin Gods. Being sealed. His sword. Lost Canvas. The darkness of not remembering. Words they explained to him. Herbs and flowers they named for him. All the books read to him. The lonely, painful days. The days when he wanted to remember and those he wanted to disappear. The long, silent ones, the---

He sat so abruptly his head immediately knocked against someone’s else and Hades cursed under his breath, grabbing his forehead.

“Hypnos!” oh, it was Thanatos that gasped with disbelief, probably grabbing his twin away, because there was suddenly much more room to breathe.

His forehead hurt like shit, though.

“If I have one single bruise I swear on the Elysian Fields I will throw you to Cerberus…”

He didn’t even manage to finish the sentence, because hands grabbed his shoulders. The touch was tender and warm, and Hades was pretty sure he would recognize it everywhere. He didn’t dare to look up, but he felt Kagaho gently inspecting his forehead, rubbing it. 

Kagaho. K A G A H O. 

He remembered how he tasted this name for the first time, unsure whether it was still him or Alone. He remembered how he tasted it again, when he forgot, desperately trying to catch on it so it wouldn’t slip away like everything else. 

“Lord Hades.” Hypnos spoke once more and Thanatos almost managed to cover his mouth, afraid that his twin brother would do something stupid _again_ which wasn’t exactly like him. 

When Hades looked up at him, Hypnos eyes were wide, and he was holding his forehead almost traumatized.

Hades laughed. It was loud, heart-full laughter and he laughed so long until he could barely breathe anymore and instead of laughter, sobs shook his body.

He saw with the corner of his eye how Thanatos pulled Hypnos out of the room when Kagaho cradled him against his chest and he swayed them back and forth until Hades’ cheeks were completely dry.

Gods shouldn’t cry at all. Hades did.

Hades was everything but godly past weeks. The embarrassment was still there, but Hades gulped it down with typical to himself grace. It was alright, he thought. Now it was alright.

***

His head was on Kagaho’s lap and the pain was slowly going away thanks to the fingers massaging his scalp and going through his hair continuously. 

“Lord Hades truly can arouse a fear. To scare us all like this.” Kagaho whispered to the crown of his hair and the corners of Hades’ lips twitched a little. He almost smiled, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t mean it, even if at first, forgetting was all he wished for.

Kagaho’s disappearance and loyalty for Alone was so sudden and surprising Hades barely remembered his last battle with Athena and her little dogs. 

Until the very end he had no idea that Kagaho was able to distinguish them. Everyone got caught in Alone’s trap, after all, Pandora, twin gods, his entire army. He thought Kagaho was the one, too. Thus he thought everything Kagaho did and say was directed entirely at him. He was delighted to hear his praises, his worships, his vows and promises. That specter was ready to paint the entire ground under his feet with a crimson blood of his enemies and oh, what effect it had on Hades!

He loved imagining himself settled on a throne made out of bones, with Kagaho on his right, Pandora on his left, twin gods right behind and the entire army in front of him. He wanted to see the new world, enjoy the new world, free from sin and wars.

He always thought Kagaho admired this idea, because the admiration was so clear in his eyes! His touches were tender, his lips tasting of blood.

Kagaho quickly became his favorite, because he was entirely his.

You see, everyone in his army had someone… Else. It obviously didn’t change the fact that Hades cherished and adored them, but they all… Some of them were in relationships. Others had group of friends. Twin gods have each other. Pandora had him. But Hades? Hades was always quite lonely, his most adored companion in Cerberus. But the dog couldn’t always respond to his request as effortlessly as Kagaho. The dog couldn’t kiss him like Kagaho. The dog couldn’t talk and talk, until Hades wasn’t lulled by that voice into sweet oblivion.

It burst like a soap bubble.

Fighting with Athena, Hades couldn’t help but feel distracted, his eyes roaming either behind himself or Alone, hoping to see him once more. Hoping Kagaho would come back to him and shield him with his wings like he had promised so many times before. 

But Kagaho wasn’t there, hole in Hades’ heart growing larger and larger.

He felt humiliated, but most of all, he was just so… Sad. Even Kagaho didn’t stay by his side. Even Kagaho found someone better, more worth protection, with purer soul and intentions. But Hades was a God! How could a mortal be more important? How could Kagaho choose him, how could anyone choose everyone but him? 

Sun rays gold saints threw at him weren’t half as agonizing as this thought. Like… Like he wasn’t enough. Like he failed in being a God, a Master, a Leader.

Before he lost consciousness to the seal completely, he remembered how much he wanted to forget. He wanted to erase memories of Kagaho, of mortality than won against him in this one, single case. He didn’t want to see, each time he closed his eyes, the specter that brought him so much content, but also so much hurt. He didn’t want to miss his touch, his words that tickled his ear, his lap that always were his favorite seat. He didn’t want to miss _him_.

It was traumatic experience. 

The darkness that came afterwards seemed even worse.

***

His army was so beautiful. Hades was always proud of them. Surely, not every single of his specter could bear themselves with grace and dignity, but each one of them was special, different, unique. 

After months spent in the unknown and without memories Hades was now repeating their names in his mind almost delighted. He remembered their faces, features, what attacks they used and what they usually greet him with. 

Memory was always something granted to him. After the sudden lack of it, Hades saw it almost as a divine trait. He has never thought remembering could be this joyful.

Specters were kind of surprised with this unusual call, even more when it seemed Hades only wanted to… Hang out with them. Like it could make up for the time that was lost.

“Lord Hades, you shouldn’t exaggerate yourself.” Kagaho stood behind him when the throne chamber finally emptied, putting hands on his shoulders to massage them gently. Hades sighed softly, only now feeling the weariness on his eyelids. It was a long day. It has been long weeks, in general.

He hummed in acknowledgment to Kagaho’s words and propped cheek against his palm, closing his eyes. There was so much to settle he could as well rest here--

He felt Kagaho embracing his hand with his own. When the soft kiss was pressed there, Hades opened his eyes. Kagaho was kneeling, his gaze tender and warm. 

“Lord Hades, I do not deserve your forgiveness but I still want to apologize, nevertheless. I have hurt and abandoned you, even though I have never wanted it in the first place. I hope Lord Hades will one day listen to my reasons and try to understand them. I also hope I will be allowed to stay by your side and protect you as I promised. Lord Hades is the only God I look up to and want to follow. I want to make up for what I have done wrong.”

Hades slid down from his throne and kneeled before Kagaho, pressing his lips to the top of his head. They remained like this for a very long time.

Some wounds could never heal. But some could have been coaxed deep inside to where they would lay forgotten. They shaped you, but they weren’t defining your life anymore.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue.

“These months were endless, huh?” Hypnos looked at his twin brother. Thanatos’ lips were curved in smile that resembled smirk rather than something really genuine, but he knew his second half too well to undoubtedly say he was content.

All of them were content and all of them were finally getting pre-war peace they needed.

A couple of meters away from where they sat was Hades and Kagaho. The God was shamelessly settled on Kagaho’s lap sideways and the specter feed him with something looking like grapes; Hades seemed to be enjoying himself, and none of them was going to interrupt that. Besides, twin gods had enough fun playing chess and observing, occasionally. Mostly from a mere habit, though, both used to constantly checking on Hades.

Their Lord was almost back to his shape already. His skin began to look milky pale again, instead of grey and sickly. His aura getting stronger, too, hair free of any tangles. And even if he seemed all the same, there was also something different about him. Hypnos wouldn’t necessarily say this something was brighter, but his eyes weren’t as sad as he got used to seeing them.

Because there was always depth in them, depth beyond of understanding even for Hypnos and Thanatos. Twin gods never pressed Hades to tell them about it, too.

“I hope this was the first and the last time we have ever experienced this.” Thanatos replied, moving the chess figure against the board. 

“What is worrying me, however…” he continued, for a moment losing interest in the game. Thanatos’ eyes flicked towards Kagaho and Hades. He noticed small motion in which he waved his legs; like a child. A child he had never got to be. Maybe that’s why he was always so spoiled, by them and Pandora. “What is worrying me is that he doesn’t want to tell us what happened.”

“Why are you assuming he knows?”

“Because I have seen it in his eyes. Like he was relieved to wake up from the nightmare. You know Hades and his nightmares.”

Hypnos hummed quietly. He remembered. Sometimes when he woke up to quiet Elysion in the middle of the night, he was only waiting for the piercing scream to break it. 

But Hades was centuries old, he wasn’t screaming in his sleep no more.

“Let it be, Thanatos.” 

Hypnos smiled again and arose from his seat when Cerberus came running to his master, Pandora following behind. Her facial expression was gentle and kind as she placed the tray with the tea on the table they were soon surrounding. 

Elysion was a happy place.

_Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have really finished huh. This is my first multi chapter work I ever finished.
> 
> First of all, I want to thank you all for reading it. Even if you didn't leave a trace after yourself it's alright, I don't mind, because you still took your time, stopped and gave it a chance. I appreciate it so so much and I am so grateful.
> 
> Second, thank you everyone for your kudos and comments. I had so much fun discussing with you all these matters and exchange opinions! You guys are amazing. Your comments were so kind and it was so exciting to see how you view this story. Thank you ♥
> 
> You know I battled with myself for a long time whether I should change this story, make it richer, like for example this epilogue. I tried a couple of times, only to realize... I cannot. This is how I made it originally. This is how I got attached to it. So I decided to leave it be as it is. 
> 
> Thank you all for your time, your kind works, everything. Thank you for leaving piece of you within this story.
> 
> PS if you want to simp over Hades and the Underworld squad feel free to follow me on Twitter: @mugongeki_

**Author's Note:**

> Me: Hades is my favorite character  
> Me: Hurts Hades
> 
> anyways I hope you liked it, feel free to leave some feedback


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